When the tide is too high
and morale is too low,
just look in your heart,
You'll know where to go.
Inside there's a compass
to guide you your way.
A spiritual Star Chart,
to guide you today!
It leads beyond your world,
and FAR beyond mine.
Through feelings, emotions,
through space and through time.
This compass, this guidance
will never fall through,
it all just depends
on what you choose to do.
The Savior, he loves you,
your compass, your friend.
He watched the world start,
He'll be there in the end.
It's not who you've become,
what you think you have done,
But the love and compassion
You've shown everyone.
"I died on the cross
with no more than a thorn,
it's My death and suffering
for your sins I've born.
So know if you're sad,
or you're lonely at heart,
like My Father and I,
We are never apart.
You are never alone
there's no need for your fear
and with my grief and pain
there may come a soft tear
All you need is your faith
simply ask, simply try.
Now. Here are My wings
and My Love, Child. Fly!"
When the tide is too high
and morale is too low,
just look in your heart,
You'll know where to go.
Inside there's a compass
to guide you your way.
A spiritual Star Chart,
to guide you today!
It picks up your spirits,
It carries your wings,
and when soaring on joy,
It THEN your heart sings.
Never cease, Never stop,
Never silence, Dear Heart!
For there is much to be done,
even after we part.
The journey's not easy
you decide when to start,
but from the beginning,
"Child. Follow Your Heart."
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Because I Built It
I was overwhelmed today to find some old items of mine, or rather... I finally gave attention to several items of old that took me down memory lane. Journals and books and pictures and genealogy records, even sifting through my old paperwork way back when I became an Eagle Scout. And among all those things I found one unanimously agreeable feature: I am not the same as I was.
I am a changed man. In many more ways than just physically. For years as a child I set up worlds and dreams for myself that I had long since forgotten, but somehow, each one of those old childhood promises held such a poignancy in my heart. I couldn't help but to laugh out loud at a few of them, simply because of how devout I was to the idea or promise or dream or goal. I was rather shocked at the fact that I lost my way from such a firm knowledge that I once had. Reading a few old journals, I chuckled at the unwavering faith and steadfast knowledge of the good in people and the good in the world that I had at the time, and I struck quite a chord with myself. I was amazed and confused and even a little set off by the fact that I could wander off... "Experience" as it were, the things I did. There are even direct passages, IN MY JOURNAL... TO MYSELF telling me that if I had not achieved certain goals or fulfilled certain dreams, that I had let myself down and that my planning and preparation as a child was for naught. There were dreams and goals that even now I'm wary of tackling, they seem so great and powerful and quite difficult. But I saw this trend going through these things, that as I came to know the world better, the more I knew it's ins and outs, it's goods and evils, its miracles and sheer happenstances... the more I came to fear. I began to slowly, and without of knowledge of doing so, come to sort of defeat. I had once thought the world was mine, once revelled in the power that I had over it, simply because I did not fear it. Reading on I had another light bulb moment, the only fear I saw, was the fear of myself, as a child, the only thing that I knowingly feared was the man I MIGHT NOT become, that I might disappoint the dreams for myself that I had set with such a high standard. But knowing myself... I could only have set them because I knew I could achieve them, even as a child, I didn't bite off more than I could handle, that bad habit became more and more apparent as time went on, I continued to shock myself with demands that I put to paper:
"...if you're not what I dreamed you to be, then something has got to change. Probably your attitude if it hasn't changed already..." "...when you're married and have read through this again, make sure you and your wife bow your head in prayer and thank God..." "Keep working, keep laughing, keep reading, keep learning, keep loving everyone (especially the Lord)" "...remember the friends you have now, they've gotten you through a lot, you could return the favor you know." "Decision, decisions. They are hard, but don't worry about what you decide, try your best and what you know you should do, and the Lord will make it right."
I am honestly baffled at the power in that young man. Where did it go. These are revelations and truths that I am JUST NOW coming to terms with and coping with! You tell me that I've known them already!? Where did I go!? What did I learn!?
A lot as a matter of fact.
All of my life I've heard people tell me, "Just trust me on this one," as if their word was the only guidance I needed. And though this is a perfectly viable option for many to take, it is not the one for me. I have only, to the best of my knowledge, holistically trusted ONE person, and she has yet to say "Just trust me on this one." And not to ruin a good thing going, but I do wish I could tell my younger self, "You DO know what's going to happen right? You're going to go experience for yourself... you know that right? You know there will be a lot of heartache and sadness, strife and loss, you know that it won't get easier and it won't get better any time soon right? You KNOW this! I know you do!" And I can almost hear little me answering, "Yes, but I need to have a foundation first. I need to build a home, so that when my journey is through and when I return, I know where I am and I know that I belong... because I built it."
And just like I am right now, tears would well up in my eyes and I would hug those little blue eyes right out of his head. My younger me has taught myself something, whatever it is that I've done in this life... I HAVE DONE! ME! MARSHALL!!! MYSELF, and I, and ME and I... I have wandered. I have learned. I have strayed. I have conquered. I have failed. I have loved. I have hated. I have wondered. I have known. And I will continue to do so for the rest of my life.
Here's the long story short. For so long, people have told me that I'm an introvert, that I ponder long and hard and I come to conclusive decisions by thinking deeply and decisively, and while this is true... it's not all true. I do! I get things done, and I like doing... I guess I just think deeply about what I'm going to do before I do it, and with the consequences weighed, whether they're good or bad... I do. I experience, and I've come to find that my life has been filled with rich, wonderful, and exciting experiences.
I don't know myself very well. And I'm becoming more and more acquainted with who I am every day, and it is a terrifying and frightening experience... but so is doing. And because I built it, because I built me, because I am building the knowledge of knowing who I am, I know it's mine. I know it's home. I know that when I wander off and when I leave my goals for a little while, I can come back, I can know I belong, I can belay my worry and confusion, because I built it. I built me. I am who I am, and I make myself out to be everything I want and everything I CAN be...
I am building. It is slow, it is terrifying, and I don't see the process ending at all soon. But I am building it, I have built it, and I will continue to build it.
May God or whatever higher power you believe in grant with so many blessings that you have no more room to recieve them and they you may do nothing with the left overs but give them, freely, with no intention of return or praise. You are only what you make yourself to be, you are only what you build. Make it big!
I am a changed man. In many more ways than just physically. For years as a child I set up worlds and dreams for myself that I had long since forgotten, but somehow, each one of those old childhood promises held such a poignancy in my heart. I couldn't help but to laugh out loud at a few of them, simply because of how devout I was to the idea or promise or dream or goal. I was rather shocked at the fact that I lost my way from such a firm knowledge that I once had. Reading a few old journals, I chuckled at the unwavering faith and steadfast knowledge of the good in people and the good in the world that I had at the time, and I struck quite a chord with myself. I was amazed and confused and even a little set off by the fact that I could wander off... "Experience" as it were, the things I did. There are even direct passages, IN MY JOURNAL... TO MYSELF telling me that if I had not achieved certain goals or fulfilled certain dreams, that I had let myself down and that my planning and preparation as a child was for naught. There were dreams and goals that even now I'm wary of tackling, they seem so great and powerful and quite difficult. But I saw this trend going through these things, that as I came to know the world better, the more I knew it's ins and outs, it's goods and evils, its miracles and sheer happenstances... the more I came to fear. I began to slowly, and without of knowledge of doing so, come to sort of defeat. I had once thought the world was mine, once revelled in the power that I had over it, simply because I did not fear it. Reading on I had another light bulb moment, the only fear I saw, was the fear of myself, as a child, the only thing that I knowingly feared was the man I MIGHT NOT become, that I might disappoint the dreams for myself that I had set with such a high standard. But knowing myself... I could only have set them because I knew I could achieve them, even as a child, I didn't bite off more than I could handle, that bad habit became more and more apparent as time went on, I continued to shock myself with demands that I put to paper:
"...if you're not what I dreamed you to be, then something has got to change. Probably your attitude if it hasn't changed already..." "...when you're married and have read through this again, make sure you and your wife bow your head in prayer and thank God..." "Keep working, keep laughing, keep reading, keep learning, keep loving everyone (especially the Lord)" "...remember the friends you have now, they've gotten you through a lot, you could return the favor you know." "Decision, decisions. They are hard, but don't worry about what you decide, try your best and what you know you should do, and the Lord will make it right."
I am honestly baffled at the power in that young man. Where did it go. These are revelations and truths that I am JUST NOW coming to terms with and coping with! You tell me that I've known them already!? Where did I go!? What did I learn!?
A lot as a matter of fact.
All of my life I've heard people tell me, "Just trust me on this one," as if their word was the only guidance I needed. And though this is a perfectly viable option for many to take, it is not the one for me. I have only, to the best of my knowledge, holistically trusted ONE person, and she has yet to say "Just trust me on this one." And not to ruin a good thing going, but I do wish I could tell my younger self, "You DO know what's going to happen right? You're going to go experience for yourself... you know that right? You know there will be a lot of heartache and sadness, strife and loss, you know that it won't get easier and it won't get better any time soon right? You KNOW this! I know you do!" And I can almost hear little me answering, "Yes, but I need to have a foundation first. I need to build a home, so that when my journey is through and when I return, I know where I am and I know that I belong... because I built it."
And just like I am right now, tears would well up in my eyes and I would hug those little blue eyes right out of his head. My younger me has taught myself something, whatever it is that I've done in this life... I HAVE DONE! ME! MARSHALL!!! MYSELF, and I, and ME and I... I have wandered. I have learned. I have strayed. I have conquered. I have failed. I have loved. I have hated. I have wondered. I have known. And I will continue to do so for the rest of my life.
Here's the long story short. For so long, people have told me that I'm an introvert, that I ponder long and hard and I come to conclusive decisions by thinking deeply and decisively, and while this is true... it's not all true. I do! I get things done, and I like doing... I guess I just think deeply about what I'm going to do before I do it, and with the consequences weighed, whether they're good or bad... I do. I experience, and I've come to find that my life has been filled with rich, wonderful, and exciting experiences.
I don't know myself very well. And I'm becoming more and more acquainted with who I am every day, and it is a terrifying and frightening experience... but so is doing. And because I built it, because I built me, because I am building the knowledge of knowing who I am, I know it's mine. I know it's home. I know that when I wander off and when I leave my goals for a little while, I can come back, I can know I belong, I can belay my worry and confusion, because I built it. I built me. I am who I am, and I make myself out to be everything I want and everything I CAN be...
I am building. It is slow, it is terrifying, and I don't see the process ending at all soon. But I am building it, I have built it, and I will continue to build it.
May God or whatever higher power you believe in grant with so many blessings that you have no more room to recieve them and they you may do nothing with the left overs but give them, freely, with no intention of return or praise. You are only what you make yourself to be, you are only what you build. Make it big!
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