Pain is a pesky part of
being human... probably one of the most inevitable, scary, heart breaking and life changing aspects of having a body. I've learned it feels like a stab wound to the heart,
or hand sanitizer to a paper cut whatever the hurt be, we all wish it was something we could do without. Pain is a
sudden hurt that can't be escaped, and while it's not totally necessary, pain (in mortality) is inevitable. It's a choice we take as humans... pain. Not necessarily because we like it, but that
because of pain, you can feel the beauty, tenderness, and freedom of
healing. It's not to say that you CAN'T have tenderness, beauty and freedom without pain, one simply might have a deeper understanding when recovering from a broken heart... or at least, they now offer a different perspective of such a take on life. Pain feels like a fast stab wound to the heart. But then again,
healing feels like the wind against your face when you are spreading
your wings and flying through the air! We may not have wings growing out
of our backs, but healing is the closest thing that will give us that
wind against our faces. Unless it's literal wind in our face...... but the point is - pain is perspective.
I often visit Silver Lake Flats, and from 7,500 the view of the canyon is much different than the view I had at the bottom... going even farther up to Silver Lake, all the mountains look the same, and I don't know where I am... I'm fairly lost in a sense. Even writing that sounds foolish, because when I'm down here in the Valley, I know exactly where I am, I know where North, South, East and West are - and I undoubtedly cannot mistake the beautiful Mt. Timpanogos... but from a new perspective, from unfamiliar territory, all I know is where I am, and where I'm going and the perspective I once had means very little. For the time it served it purpose, for the time it was beautiful. If you've ever gone with me, or have ever been there before, you know that it is equally as beautiful, equally as challenging to get to, equally as a breath-taking all in a different way. Why? Because your road is a little different, and your perspective has changed. It's not necessarily bad, and it could not necessarily be good either... it's just different.
I've thought about this analogy many, many times since it was given to me by a dear friend. I'm so lucky I can relate to it, but it I'm dumbfounded every time I try and get around it... trying to understand why I hate new perspectives, why I aught to feel a different way, why I want to go back to old perspectives... and I've come to this conclusion. We are creatures of comfort. We find jobs that we're comfortable in, we fall in love and get comfortable with comfortable people, we join causes that we feel welcome and comfortable in, and all of these are amazing things! AND WHO WOULDN'T!? Who wouldn't want to be comfortable their whole life? Who wouldn't want safety, and security, ease of passage and faith in certainty. I would... but I also would want to know what's out there. I would want to know that wherever I settle down, wherever I get comfortable, that's it's right for me, where I can do the most good getting comfortable, and helping other understand what THEIR comfortable is. So that requires a bit of uncomfortable. It requires some exploration, which we are all guilty of from time to time. It requires guts and strength to be kind to those that are a little bit behind in the journey or who are just slightly ahead telling you what journey you should take. But there is this thing with comfortable, it's not the same for anyone.
I was baffled at this truth. I thought that because I liked to explore and because I had a lot of emotions and because I liked to speak about things of passion and wonderful ideas and worlds and discuss the imagination, that EVERYONE else I communicated with did also. I thought that wherever I was comfortable, everyone else would be comfortable there also... but I was wrong. I was terribly wrong. As a matter of fact, the very antithesis of that thought was a little more accurate than I would have ever hoped, and my very comfy, cozy, comfortable ideas, and lifestyle, and dreams made some that I associated with extremely uncomfortable. And here's where I got confused... people thought that because their perspective was different than mine, that this automatically constituted some right and wrong differential and that we couldn't be friends anymore. Now, I realize that I'm opening a can of worms with this, but there is no right or wrong differential simply because - hold this thought - it's the idea that EVERYONE is justified in their head. Simply agreeing with or disagreeing with something doesn't make an idea or feeling any less valid. I think we owe it to everyone to try to understand just a little bit more than we initially do... after all - it probably speaks more about our character when we are so quick to judge perspectives than it does of those that we look down upon.
"Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”
Remember, where you are, who you are, and who it is you wish to become is only a matter of perspective.
Tuesday, December 24, 2013
Sunday, October 6, 2013
The End of the Beginning
There's an interesting feeling behind loving and moving forward. And it's a feeling that altogether cannot quite be described. It's something that you must experience... it is something that you must come to know for yourself, what it feels like, what you do in that situation, how it affects you, and how you will learn and grow from it. The best word I can describe it as is, creating. Moving forward is not a bad thing, nor is loving... both are exceptional things... but together... both acts contributing one to another... it can change who we are and how we think.
And a what a rare breed we are... the few who create!
Chronicled in an actors' role is everything that actor has to offer in life. Their pains, joys, victories, struggles, defeats, safe places, happy thoughts, laughs over the years, quietly shed tears, loudly shaken sobs and most importantly, their silence. We escape to the entertainment because we're suppressed, we turn to music because we all wear a facade, we get lost in too many books because we refuse to think for ourselves, we are terrified that there is a world out there that will expose our deepest darkest places, and ruin our ever present happiness and choice to become some unrealistic utopia. It doesn't come from pretending, it doesn't come from being determined to be happy, it doesn't come from the ideal that something better is out there. It comes from doing. It comes from making big mistakes, learning from them, and moving on. And while mistakes, sin, faults, terror, fears and all other terrifying mortal experiences are not necessary... we are human, and they are inevitable.
So it is only those who understand the art, those who accept honesty and love the idea of their walls being ripped to shreds, and their boundaries being violated. Those who enjoy being pushed just beyond their comfort zone, because they know it's exactly where their life will begin... It is they, who understand the heartbreak, and the fear and loneliness in leaving behind not just a truly beloved production, cast and crew... but a story worth telling - a family worth seeing, and loving, and holding, and laughing with, and sharing with, and understanding - a truly honest and beautiful life worth living - a world worth inspiring. They know! They know our paths will cross again, they know our futures are forever intertwined, they know our dreams and goals and aspirations... they know. They know.
Today was the closing of another show SHREK: The Musical. By far, the best production I have ever been blessed with! I'm truly disheartened to know that this cast is broken and that we will all head our separate ways. But there is a Silver Lining (see what I did there?) to every grey cloud. We always have this show, and these memories, the jokes and networking, events and friendships, love, intimacy, joy, family bonds, hearts, minds and souls that still bind us together; and forever we will be the cast of the SCERA's 2013 - SHREK: The Musical!
It's an interesting concept... creating... putting SO much sacrifice into what...? A show? A painting? A craft? A song? A plant? I was reminded how insignificant it all is, again today. We worked for countless hours on that show, crew built sets and the cast ran scenes for hours and hours and days and hours. We laughed, we cried, we spoke, we shouted, we sang and we danced, and tonight at seven thirty the beginning of the end commenced, and just around eleven o'clock that night our lives moved on. We washed our character's off of our faces, we stripped our facades of their clothing, we packed up and moved out; the set came tumbling down, the props were removed, the mics put away, the lights dimmed and the house shut. That is the last time that such an event will ever happen, that SHREK will come to a close and the cast will tearily eyed hobble themselves over to IHOP for one final hoorah. But truly... that was it. Months of rehearsal, planning and preparation.... and all at once, it died.
We put our lives, and hearts, and souls into our trade. Creation. Which, when you think about it, is how it should be. The Almighty Creator gave his life and soul for us, and in a sense, we give a little bit of our own life and spirit into every little thing we create, and every light and beautiful mind we touch. From something as small as a bracelet or stamp collection or a child to something as grand as a Hollywood Blockbuster or a new form of Government! Those projects, those creations; now are small representations of us... they now carry our spirit and our vigor, our outlook, our hopes, and dreams, and schemes, and plans within them. Maybe that is the true reason we create, because we cannot help but be awed at the splendor of the marvels that come from our own two hands and heart. It truly is an amazing thing.
I don't like that statement. The few who create! ... why can't it be... we are a crazy breed... the world of innovators and creators! Our world is in for massive good when we can tap into the knowledge that we have the ability to do amazing things. "But it's all for naught," some might say (and HAVE said to me), "You work countless hours on a play, only to perform it fourteen times and tear everything down in a matter of minutes." I laugh at these statements, when people make them. You gain so much more in the creation and process of production than you do in consuming from those that produce... It's just the way it is. And sometimes true art is characterized by an irresistible urge in the creative artist, sometimes... we have no choice BUT to create. It screams at us... the pages of books and freak of our hearts. The arts and crafts in the store or the empty garden patch in the backyard... sometimes they just cry out and weep for attention and growth, and we have no option but to pity those poor things and nurture them until they mature and we can watch them take on lives of their own and fully blossom out their potential. Creation, art, entertainment... is not so much a job as a calling, and we as the bold lovers of the human experience are pulled into sharing with the world the places of our hearts that everyday people only wish they had access to!
I am blessed to have a found a family... a group just a ridiculous, and creative, and beautiful, and powerful, and willing to break their hearts as I am. You may not know it... but THAT, is a miracle. These people, my friends, my family, this cast... is a miracle. They have changed my life, and have shaped my future. They have inspired, and touched, and taught, and loved, and despised, and always accepted me. And not just me, but everyone. At all times, in all things... all places. I never been more proud to be a part of a family... and I am broken to think this is the last of us. We will always be friends and we will always call. We'll always continue to work and find projects with one another... but this family... just like everything else on this Earth, cannot last. Even our tears, and golden smiles of moving forward!
"Every human has four endowments- self awareness, conscience, independent will and creative imagination. These give us the ultimate human freedom... The power to choose, to respond, to change." Says Stephen Covey and he's so right. When you think about it, in a way, creativity is just connecting things. When you ask creative people how they did something, they feel a little guilty because they didn't really do it, they just saw something. It seemed obvious to them after a while. That's because they were able to connect experiences they've had and synthesize new things. And it is those four endowments; self awareness, conscience, independent will and creative imagination that leads to those syntheses! How I love to create, and watch the creative process happen. It is truly a miracle in its own right. And, rest assured, we wouldn't get rid of our creations (whether we mean to or not) if we didn't enjoy destruction just a little bit. There is no point in creating if you can't handle the loss. ;)
We are an interesting people. We few who create!
"To some it would have been called fate, to others destiny, to others coincidence. But there is a connection between two people far more powerful than any graspable entity, and far surer than the rising sun. Soul mates. Soul people. Star people. An adjective of sorts that has yet to come to sorts in its own use. To many, these people, these "soulmates" are the ones who, from right at the start, (maybe before you even meet them, but you've heard of them or seen a picture...) "get you". These are the beings that truly know you inside and out, and can see you for who you are, for what you are to become. For where you have been and where you are going, and for once in a lifetime, between these kindred spirits is a complete understanding. Not the type of acquaintance or understanding where you've known this person or that since childhood or even birth, and know and “understand” every event that has happened in their life, I do not speak about “twins” or “family” chosen OR in bloodline. No, these soul people, mates, friends, don't need to know all of that. They don’t need to know all the little details and background schema. The why’s, the who’s, the when’s, the where’s, the how’s, the what’s all become insignificant in the single beat of the heart, because they know your soul; they know the true essence of your being. They are the ones who look past your flaws, your insecurities and weaknesses, and truly (for those who are knowledgeable and really understand the depth of the meaning of the words), value your essence; your very existence; your ever living breath and every passing beat of the heart. When these people look at you, it is immediate that they are looking at your soul, rather than who you've become or what you've previously done. They are the first (before you, even) to unlock your potential and tap into your future. To the few that find them, these soul people are family, or more appropriately a tribe. Their presence is not inherently immanent, they may not even cross paths or talk for the larger portion of their existence in mortality, but they are the ones that you can always count on, and always turn to, come hell or high water. Whether the heavens part or the depths break open, the only constant is the soul that this tribe shares, that it belongs to, returns to. They could be near or far, in hand or out of reach; but these tribes are one. There are many, each one different, each one perfect, and each one ever more significant to those belonging to it, then those who do not; but they are one. You will always find a way back, back home, where the soul belongs. There are indeed many great people in this world, but to find those ones who actually understand and value you for all that you are, and to love you in spite of it, is a supple and rare calamity, as it is indeed a great catastrophe in the eyes of the world, for once you have made this bond, it cannot be broken. It can only strengthen, multiply, and in a sense dominate the weaker world, those who think they do not need it; those who think they are better off without it; those who think that they are more important than, or better than it, and it is their greatest fear to face a soul that is united, that is loved, when they are alone and rejected. I warn you, this is a covenant not to be underestimated or underappreciated, and always held dear, sacred, and with the highest respect." ~ T.W. Kline
"Then we saw him pick up all the things that were down.
He picked up the cake, And the rake, And the gown,
And the milk, and the strings, And the books, and the dish,
And the fan, and the cup, And the ship, and the fish.
And he put them away. Then he said, “That is that.”
And then he was gone, with the tip of his hat."
The Cat in the Hat reminds us that, "That is that." We all move on, and we all grow and live another day and continue on with other lives, and while, "That IS that," more importantly, we have the lifetime of memories to look back on, the jokes, and laughter, the tears, and fears, and instantly, these memories become our best friends with the knowledge that there is more to come in the future and there is a great deal to hope for!
I love you my family! I cannot wait to see the amazing things you all accomplish and how our paths cross in the future. You are all sacred holders of my heart! I love you, I love you, I love you. I am thankful for all you have given to me and all you have shown me, and most importantly, who you have made me! I am thankful for many things, a child's laugh, a warm tear, the caressing tenderness of a friendly hand, the mind-clearing heart-warming voice of a loved one. I could rant and rave till I die of what I am grateful for, it would do me no good. I pray, so deeply and heavenly, that we have chances to cross paths again, however often or seldom that we do, and that I can express my deep and unending love for you. That I can hold you, and hug you, and kiss you, and love you.
May God or whichever higher power grants you your life forever grant you with so many forever blessings that you have no room to receive them, that you are left with no other option but to pass them on in love and devotion and care. May the spirit of warmth and happiness accompany you in the holiday season and for your many long and prosperous days ahead of you. May you someday, fully understand how much I love each and every one of you. Till we meet once more in a most loving and heartfelt embrace, I give thanks for we few, interesting, and crazy that create!
And a what a rare breed we are... the few who create!
* * *
Chronicled in an actors' role is everything that actor has to offer in life. Their pains, joys, victories, struggles, defeats, safe places, happy thoughts, laughs over the years, quietly shed tears, loudly shaken sobs and most importantly, their silence. We escape to the entertainment because we're suppressed, we turn to music because we all wear a facade, we get lost in too many books because we refuse to think for ourselves, we are terrified that there is a world out there that will expose our deepest darkest places, and ruin our ever present happiness and choice to become some unrealistic utopia. It doesn't come from pretending, it doesn't come from being determined to be happy, it doesn't come from the ideal that something better is out there. It comes from doing. It comes from making big mistakes, learning from them, and moving on. And while mistakes, sin, faults, terror, fears and all other terrifying mortal experiences are not necessary... we are human, and they are inevitable.
So it is only those who understand the art, those who accept honesty and love the idea of their walls being ripped to shreds, and their boundaries being violated. Those who enjoy being pushed just beyond their comfort zone, because they know it's exactly where their life will begin... It is they, who understand the heartbreak, and the fear and loneliness in leaving behind not just a truly beloved production, cast and crew... but a story worth telling - a family worth seeing, and loving, and holding, and laughing with, and sharing with, and understanding - a truly honest and beautiful life worth living - a world worth inspiring. They know! They know our paths will cross again, they know our futures are forever intertwined, they know our dreams and goals and aspirations... they know. They know.
Today was the closing of another show SHREK: The Musical. By far, the best production I have ever been blessed with! I'm truly disheartened to know that this cast is broken and that we will all head our separate ways. But there is a Silver Lining (see what I did there?) to every grey cloud. We always have this show, and these memories, the jokes and networking, events and friendships, love, intimacy, joy, family bonds, hearts, minds and souls that still bind us together; and forever we will be the cast of the SCERA's 2013 - SHREK: The Musical!
It's an interesting concept... creating... putting SO much sacrifice into what...? A show? A painting? A craft? A song? A plant? I was reminded how insignificant it all is, again today. We worked for countless hours on that show, crew built sets and the cast ran scenes for hours and hours and days and hours. We laughed, we cried, we spoke, we shouted, we sang and we danced, and tonight at seven thirty the beginning of the end commenced, and just around eleven o'clock that night our lives moved on. We washed our character's off of our faces, we stripped our facades of their clothing, we packed up and moved out; the set came tumbling down, the props were removed, the mics put away, the lights dimmed and the house shut. That is the last time that such an event will ever happen, that SHREK will come to a close and the cast will tearily eyed hobble themselves over to IHOP for one final hoorah. But truly... that was it. Months of rehearsal, planning and preparation.... and all at once, it died.
We put our lives, and hearts, and souls into our trade. Creation. Which, when you think about it, is how it should be. The Almighty Creator gave his life and soul for us, and in a sense, we give a little bit of our own life and spirit into every little thing we create, and every light and beautiful mind we touch. From something as small as a bracelet or stamp collection or a child to something as grand as a Hollywood Blockbuster or a new form of Government! Those projects, those creations; now are small representations of us... they now carry our spirit and our vigor, our outlook, our hopes, and dreams, and schemes, and plans within them. Maybe that is the true reason we create, because we cannot help but be awed at the splendor of the marvels that come from our own two hands and heart. It truly is an amazing thing.
I don't like that statement. The few who create! ... why can't it be... we are a crazy breed... the world of innovators and creators! Our world is in for massive good when we can tap into the knowledge that we have the ability to do amazing things. "But it's all for naught," some might say (and HAVE said to me), "You work countless hours on a play, only to perform it fourteen times and tear everything down in a matter of minutes." I laugh at these statements, when people make them. You gain so much more in the creation and process of production than you do in consuming from those that produce... It's just the way it is. And sometimes true art is characterized by an irresistible urge in the creative artist, sometimes... we have no choice BUT to create. It screams at us... the pages of books and freak of our hearts. The arts and crafts in the store or the empty garden patch in the backyard... sometimes they just cry out and weep for attention and growth, and we have no option but to pity those poor things and nurture them until they mature and we can watch them take on lives of their own and fully blossom out their potential. Creation, art, entertainment... is not so much a job as a calling, and we as the bold lovers of the human experience are pulled into sharing with the world the places of our hearts that everyday people only wish they had access to!
I am blessed to have a found a family... a group just a ridiculous, and creative, and beautiful, and powerful, and willing to break their hearts as I am. You may not know it... but THAT, is a miracle. These people, my friends, my family, this cast... is a miracle. They have changed my life, and have shaped my future. They have inspired, and touched, and taught, and loved, and despised, and always accepted me. And not just me, but everyone. At all times, in all things... all places. I never been more proud to be a part of a family... and I am broken to think this is the last of us. We will always be friends and we will always call. We'll always continue to work and find projects with one another... but this family... just like everything else on this Earth, cannot last. Even our tears, and golden smiles of moving forward!
"Every human has four endowments- self awareness, conscience, independent will and creative imagination. These give us the ultimate human freedom... The power to choose, to respond, to change." Says Stephen Covey and he's so right. When you think about it, in a way, creativity is just connecting things. When you ask creative people how they did something, they feel a little guilty because they didn't really do it, they just saw something. It seemed obvious to them after a while. That's because they were able to connect experiences they've had and synthesize new things. And it is those four endowments; self awareness, conscience, independent will and creative imagination that leads to those syntheses! How I love to create, and watch the creative process happen. It is truly a miracle in its own right. And, rest assured, we wouldn't get rid of our creations (whether we mean to or not) if we didn't enjoy destruction just a little bit. There is no point in creating if you can't handle the loss. ;)
We are an interesting people. We few who create!
"To some it would have been called fate, to others destiny, to others coincidence. But there is a connection between two people far more powerful than any graspable entity, and far surer than the rising sun. Soul mates. Soul people. Star people. An adjective of sorts that has yet to come to sorts in its own use. To many, these people, these "soulmates" are the ones who, from right at the start, (maybe before you even meet them, but you've heard of them or seen a picture...) "get you". These are the beings that truly know you inside and out, and can see you for who you are, for what you are to become. For where you have been and where you are going, and for once in a lifetime, between these kindred spirits is a complete understanding. Not the type of acquaintance or understanding where you've known this person or that since childhood or even birth, and know and “understand” every event that has happened in their life, I do not speak about “twins” or “family” chosen OR in bloodline. No, these soul people, mates, friends, don't need to know all of that. They don’t need to know all the little details and background schema. The why’s, the who’s, the when’s, the where’s, the how’s, the what’s all become insignificant in the single beat of the heart, because they know your soul; they know the true essence of your being. They are the ones who look past your flaws, your insecurities and weaknesses, and truly (for those who are knowledgeable and really understand the depth of the meaning of the words), value your essence; your very existence; your ever living breath and every passing beat of the heart. When these people look at you, it is immediate that they are looking at your soul, rather than who you've become or what you've previously done. They are the first (before you, even) to unlock your potential and tap into your future. To the few that find them, these soul people are family, or more appropriately a tribe. Their presence is not inherently immanent, they may not even cross paths or talk for the larger portion of their existence in mortality, but they are the ones that you can always count on, and always turn to, come hell or high water. Whether the heavens part or the depths break open, the only constant is the soul that this tribe shares, that it belongs to, returns to. They could be near or far, in hand or out of reach; but these tribes are one. There are many, each one different, each one perfect, and each one ever more significant to those belonging to it, then those who do not; but they are one. You will always find a way back, back home, where the soul belongs. There are indeed many great people in this world, but to find those ones who actually understand and value you for all that you are, and to love you in spite of it, is a supple and rare calamity, as it is indeed a great catastrophe in the eyes of the world, for once you have made this bond, it cannot be broken. It can only strengthen, multiply, and in a sense dominate the weaker world, those who think they do not need it; those who think they are better off without it; those who think that they are more important than, or better than it, and it is their greatest fear to face a soul that is united, that is loved, when they are alone and rejected. I warn you, this is a covenant not to be underestimated or underappreciated, and always held dear, sacred, and with the highest respect." ~ T.W. Kline
"Then we saw him pick up all the things that were down.
He picked up the cake, And the rake, And the gown,
And the milk, and the strings, And the books, and the dish,
And the fan, and the cup, And the ship, and the fish.
And he put them away. Then he said, “That is that.”
And then he was gone, with the tip of his hat."
The Cat in the Hat reminds us that, "That is that." We all move on, and we all grow and live another day and continue on with other lives, and while, "That IS that," more importantly, we have the lifetime of memories to look back on, the jokes, and laughter, the tears, and fears, and instantly, these memories become our best friends with the knowledge that there is more to come in the future and there is a great deal to hope for!
I love you my family! I cannot wait to see the amazing things you all accomplish and how our paths cross in the future. You are all sacred holders of my heart! I love you, I love you, I love you. I am thankful for all you have given to me and all you have shown me, and most importantly, who you have made me! I am thankful for many things, a child's laugh, a warm tear, the caressing tenderness of a friendly hand, the mind-clearing heart-warming voice of a loved one. I could rant and rave till I die of what I am grateful for, it would do me no good. I pray, so deeply and heavenly, that we have chances to cross paths again, however often or seldom that we do, and that I can express my deep and unending love for you. That I can hold you, and hug you, and kiss you, and love you.
May God or whichever higher power grants you your life forever grant you with so many forever blessings that you have no room to receive them, that you are left with no other option but to pass them on in love and devotion and care. May the spirit of warmth and happiness accompany you in the holiday season and for your many long and prosperous days ahead of you. May you someday, fully understand how much I love each and every one of you. Till we meet once more in a most loving and heartfelt embrace, I give thanks for we few, interesting, and crazy that create!
Sunday, September 1, 2013
The Love I Feel
I've learned a couple lessons recently. First of which is that I am blessed. I am blessed with friends, and love, and the Gospel, and music, and theater, and family, and food, and shelter, and health, and laughter, and children, and knowledge, and learning, and happiness... yes! Happiness. I count it as my greatest blessing, as it is, after all, the entitlement I have as a Child of God. It's called THE Plan of HAPPINESS. The next is that I am capable of so much love, and I love being capable of that much love. And then I realized, that we're ALL capable of love. Most of us are just afraid of it.
I've come to find love to be a perfect dwelling of all emotions, tempered accordingly to their necessity and usage, in one home, under one roof, for one person. But just like a home, these emotions go about their day, they go out shopping, they go to work, they sit at home, they procrastinate. They are capable of and do everything that we do. And the most eager to unchain itself and make itself known, is Love.
I think people are afraid of Love because it's so powerful. In a quote by Marianne Williamson she says, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most." Love is an eager and powerful emotion, and we are eager and powerful people... we just don't know it yet. And those that do, understand the power of Love and utilize it to our fullest. "We ask ourselves," she continues, " 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” There is such great potency in this statement. 'As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.' It's a statement that swings infinitely full circle. Someone has to liberate us in order for us to liberate others, someone must show us love before we understand how beautiful it is to have and share it with others. There are exceptions, there are those that love unconditionally, and to them, the world is at their feet!
But what I've come to find is that our emotions are not finite. There is no limit to how much we can love. We feel uncomfortable loving others because it stretches our boundaries, but there is no limit; we simply grow, our potential to love increases and we are bigger in spirit and love. When a mother has multiple children, she does not divide her love amongst her children equally, she simply grows in love. She learns to expand her knowledge, and care, and compassion, and heart; and all the love that she once felt for her first and only child she begins to feel for all her children on that very level. When you love someone unconditionally, it doesn't mean that you can't love anyone else... as a matter of fact that's probably when you SHOULD love EVERYONE else! The only limit to your love, is the time spent in which you get to share it. That's the only stipulation... otherwise, there are no rules in love.
Sometimes my love is a little much for people. Sometimes I trust and love and go about caring much too much for the comfort of the normal person, and I'm coming to understand that, and I'm learning to be okay with it. And I'm also learning, step by step, how I might share that never ending love with them, that they might know how brilliant it is, and want nothing else but to share it with everyone else, the way I want to as well. But once we're there, we are committed to being responsible for that love, and "unconditionalness" to everyone that we share it with... a little intimidating right, but that's our potential... “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most."
Are we willing to make an "unconditional" commitment to being unconditionally kind to our immediate, embodied experience? That no matter what fear happens to appear, what kind of shame comes to visit, whichever anxiety arrives for tea, whatever conflict sneaks through the back door of the back porch, however much the need to "unlove" shows up unannounced at your wedding, however often sadness drowns each and every cell of this precious heart – that these grace-guests will be received in the most luminous, vast field of kindness? Are we willing, somehow, to love ourselves so much that these ones will not be turned away, that they will be met directly, held, allowed in, and touched? – for we know that they come showering gifts from beyond. How can we ever expect to love, and to serve, and to care for others when we are putting up walls and restrictions on our very selves.
Are we willing to surrender, once and for all, the frenetic spiritual-scramble to organize our lives around feeling good or having certain “powerful” experiences or otherwise staying safe in our spiritualities of experience and specialness? Are we willing to stay unbearably close to this sensual reality, to these tender hearts, allowing EVERYTHING and EVERYONE to matter, so deeply that we find ourselves falling excruciatingly in love moment-by-moment - naked, exposed, unresolved, and utterly vulnerable forever?
Will we, even if for just a moment, set aside our habitual escape-routes of transcendence, our doubts and potentials that tell us nothing matters and we’re “above it all,” soon to arrive in some landing place of protection, hope, and security that we might call heaven – safe from the terrifying reorganization, nakedness, and constant change that love always demands? In place of this transcendence, all that is left is an unbearable intimacy with this life as it is, with this one-and-only utterly precious somatic reality; and raging, effulgent, ethereal movement of grace that assembled this body, cell by cell, thought by thought, emotion by emotion, story by story, love by love, failure by failure, hope by hope, glance by glance. It is everything good rolled up in one terrifying learning experience, devoted holistically to change and betterment.
Yes, this grace is sometimes sweet, often terribly fierce, and will demand EVERYTHING from us. We know we will no longer be able to find ground, security, protection, or identity in "ourselves," in our "walls," in our "facades," and we will be facing very soon all of our fears of intimacy and its inevitable shattering of safety. And most importantly we will find that if we are crazy enough to give everything for love, that this heart WILL (not might be), be broken open, piece by piece, and that it will never, ever, ever, be reassembled again, the way it once was. We will be left in tatters forever, feeling everything, unbearably exposed to the movement of love in this world of time and space; even the wind blowing or the sun rising or the birds singing or looking for one precious second into the eyes of the one checking you out at the grocery store may be too much; the utter preciousness of this life may shut this heart, this body, these senses down. There is nothing left to hold onto, nothing left to “achieve” with our spiritualities of specialness; nothing left to get for “me,” but only everything to give. From here it is one endless miracle, moment by moment, and utter wonder by utter wonder as to how love will make use of this body – these eyes to see, these hands to so sweetly touch those around us, these words to speak kindness, and this broken open heart to feel utterly everything...
That, is Love.
If you are reading this still, I Love You! Know how much I love you, and always will... Endlessly. I want nothing more then to share the love that I have with you. 1 Nephi 8:11-12, "And it came to pass that I did go forth and partake of the fruit thereof; and I beheld that it was most sweet, above all that I ever before tasted. Yea, and I beheld that the fruit thereof was white, to exceed all the whiteness that I had ever seen. And as I partook of the fruit thereof it filled my soul with exceedingly great joy; wherefore, I began to be desirous that my family should partake of it also; for I knew that it was desirable above all other fruit"
Love is desirable above all fruit, and I want to share it with you. In these deep welled tears that I shed for you now, you reading, know that you are loved, know that our Father in Heaven loves you. I love you, He loves you, you are loved, always and forever. Do Good, Say Good, Be Good, and Spread Good and live your life as an example that you may SHOW others the way to God and His Love, through Your love. May God bless you, and may you fall to your knees in loving prayer everyday for those that you love, in gratitude, in love, and in blessing. I love you, and this Gospel. I love, I love, I love.
I've come to find love to be a perfect dwelling of all emotions, tempered accordingly to their necessity and usage, in one home, under one roof, for one person. But just like a home, these emotions go about their day, they go out shopping, they go to work, they sit at home, they procrastinate. They are capable of and do everything that we do. And the most eager to unchain itself and make itself known, is Love.
I think people are afraid of Love because it's so powerful. In a quote by Marianne Williamson she says, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most." Love is an eager and powerful emotion, and we are eager and powerful people... we just don't know it yet. And those that do, understand the power of Love and utilize it to our fullest. "We ask ourselves," she continues, " 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” There is such great potency in this statement. 'As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.' It's a statement that swings infinitely full circle. Someone has to liberate us in order for us to liberate others, someone must show us love before we understand how beautiful it is to have and share it with others. There are exceptions, there are those that love unconditionally, and to them, the world is at their feet!
But what I've come to find is that our emotions are not finite. There is no limit to how much we can love. We feel uncomfortable loving others because it stretches our boundaries, but there is no limit; we simply grow, our potential to love increases and we are bigger in spirit and love. When a mother has multiple children, she does not divide her love amongst her children equally, she simply grows in love. She learns to expand her knowledge, and care, and compassion, and heart; and all the love that she once felt for her first and only child she begins to feel for all her children on that very level. When you love someone unconditionally, it doesn't mean that you can't love anyone else... as a matter of fact that's probably when you SHOULD love EVERYONE else! The only limit to your love, is the time spent in which you get to share it. That's the only stipulation... otherwise, there are no rules in love.
Sometimes my love is a little much for people. Sometimes I trust and love and go about caring much too much for the comfort of the normal person, and I'm coming to understand that, and I'm learning to be okay with it. And I'm also learning, step by step, how I might share that never ending love with them, that they might know how brilliant it is, and want nothing else but to share it with everyone else, the way I want to as well. But once we're there, we are committed to being responsible for that love, and "unconditionalness" to everyone that we share it with... a little intimidating right, but that's our potential... “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most."
Are we willing to make an "unconditional" commitment to being unconditionally kind to our immediate, embodied experience? That no matter what fear happens to appear, what kind of shame comes to visit, whichever anxiety arrives for tea, whatever conflict sneaks through the back door of the back porch, however much the need to "unlove" shows up unannounced at your wedding, however often sadness drowns each and every cell of this precious heart – that these grace-guests will be received in the most luminous, vast field of kindness? Are we willing, somehow, to love ourselves so much that these ones will not be turned away, that they will be met directly, held, allowed in, and touched? – for we know that they come showering gifts from beyond. How can we ever expect to love, and to serve, and to care for others when we are putting up walls and restrictions on our very selves.
Are we willing to surrender, once and for all, the frenetic spiritual-scramble to organize our lives around feeling good or having certain “powerful” experiences or otherwise staying safe in our spiritualities of experience and specialness? Are we willing to stay unbearably close to this sensual reality, to these tender hearts, allowing EVERYTHING and EVERYONE to matter, so deeply that we find ourselves falling excruciatingly in love moment-by-moment - naked, exposed, unresolved, and utterly vulnerable forever?
Will we, even if for just a moment, set aside our habitual escape-routes of transcendence, our doubts and potentials that tell us nothing matters and we’re “above it all,” soon to arrive in some landing place of protection, hope, and security that we might call heaven – safe from the terrifying reorganization, nakedness, and constant change that love always demands? In place of this transcendence, all that is left is an unbearable intimacy with this life as it is, with this one-and-only utterly precious somatic reality; and raging, effulgent, ethereal movement of grace that assembled this body, cell by cell, thought by thought, emotion by emotion, story by story, love by love, failure by failure, hope by hope, glance by glance. It is everything good rolled up in one terrifying learning experience, devoted holistically to change and betterment.
Yes, this grace is sometimes sweet, often terribly fierce, and will demand EVERYTHING from us. We know we will no longer be able to find ground, security, protection, or identity in "ourselves," in our "walls," in our "facades," and we will be facing very soon all of our fears of intimacy and its inevitable shattering of safety. And most importantly we will find that if we are crazy enough to give everything for love, that this heart WILL (not might be), be broken open, piece by piece, and that it will never, ever, ever, be reassembled again, the way it once was. We will be left in tatters forever, feeling everything, unbearably exposed to the movement of love in this world of time and space; even the wind blowing or the sun rising or the birds singing or looking for one precious second into the eyes of the one checking you out at the grocery store may be too much; the utter preciousness of this life may shut this heart, this body, these senses down. There is nothing left to hold onto, nothing left to “achieve” with our spiritualities of specialness; nothing left to get for “me,” but only everything to give. From here it is one endless miracle, moment by moment, and utter wonder by utter wonder as to how love will make use of this body – these eyes to see, these hands to so sweetly touch those around us, these words to speak kindness, and this broken open heart to feel utterly everything...
That, is Love.
If you are reading this still, I Love You! Know how much I love you, and always will... Endlessly. I want nothing more then to share the love that I have with you. 1 Nephi 8:11-12, "And it came to pass that I did go forth and partake of the fruit thereof; and I beheld that it was most sweet, above all that I ever before tasted. Yea, and I beheld that the fruit thereof was white, to exceed all the whiteness that I had ever seen. And as I partook of the fruit thereof it filled my soul with exceedingly great joy; wherefore, I began to be desirous that my family should partake of it also; for I knew that it was desirable above all other fruit"
Love is desirable above all fruit, and I want to share it with you. In these deep welled tears that I shed for you now, you reading, know that you are loved, know that our Father in Heaven loves you. I love you, He loves you, you are loved, always and forever. Do Good, Say Good, Be Good, and Spread Good and live your life as an example that you may SHOW others the way to God and His Love, through Your love. May God bless you, and may you fall to your knees in loving prayer everyday for those that you love, in gratitude, in love, and in blessing. I love you, and this Gospel. I love, I love, I love.
Saturday, August 31, 2013
The Poem: Sleep, Sleep, Sleep
Go to sleep.
Go to sleep, sleep, sleep.
Go to sleep, Go to sleep little one.
Close your eyes and dream tender dreams,
For you are guarded and protected by my love.
Long have I waited, I've waited for you.
Years I spent hoping and praying for you.
Now that I have you right here by my side,
I will not ever, no never, no never -
Let you go.
Now go to sleep,
Go to sleep, sleep, sleep.
For you are guarded, and protected,
By my love.
Go to sleep, Go to sleep little one.
Close your eyes and dream tender dreams,
For you are guarded and protected by my love.
Long have I waited, I've waited for you.
Years I spent hoping and praying for you.
Now that I have you right here by my side,
I will not ever, no never, no never -
Let you go.
Now go to sleep,
Go to sleep, sleep, sleep.
For you are guarded, and protected,
By my love.
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
The Simplicity of Love
“Who
ever lov’d, that lov’d not at first sight?”
Is
how Marlowe would have phrased it,
“Shall
I compare thee to a summer’s day?”
Are
Shakespeare’s words befitted.
But
why would I,
Yours
truly, Love,
Decide
to question beauty.
I
made a stake
Beside
your heart,
To
love you is my duty
But
pass away as all must do,
Lovers
educe their inner dove.
I
never questioned, never doubted,
Our
trial sweet called love.
But
fancy sweet the stanzas and rhymes,
I
could smother with words all day,
But
over wearing fancy clothes
Will
result only in a fray.
I
could never match the beauty,
I
could never match the love,
Of
those poets who wrote long ago,
And
inspire me from above.
But
one thing that I think I know,
And
something you should too,
Are
the simple things or words in life,
The most important: “I Love You.”
The most important: “I Love You.”
Sunday, August 11, 2013
Acting Up
6:30 am - Wake up, read a random Wikipedia article and a few chapters of scripture
7:30 am - Eat breakfast (usually a bowl of cereal, subject to change), read paper, catch up on social media, listen to birds, shower and prep for the day, pick out outfit.
8:30 am - Leave home drive to SCERA.
9:00 am - 6:30 pm - Rehearse a large assortment of choreography, blocking, oration, rhythm, phrasing, music, tempo, dynamics, spiritual thoughts, honesty, quotes, acceptance, timing, etiquette, and most importantly... life changing love.
7:00 - 10:00 pm - Shrek rehearsal
10:30 - 12:00 am - Cleaning, get ready for bed, prayer (that the next day might be just as fulfilling as wonderful as the day before it.)
So has been the blessing of being my past week.
This past week I was honored as a group of forty extremely talented, loving, selfless, beautiful high school students welcomed me into their family. I went with the orthodox paradigm that I might teach kids what they need to know in order to be successful at music and theater, and while I achieved enough of those very goals (in my mind), I was most definitely not the teacher. As William Arthur Ward once said, “The mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher explains. The superior teacher demonstrates. The great teacher inspires.” These souls have done just that, inspired me, and they are the greatest teachers I have ever had. Let me expound -
In the course of a week, I watched this group of people (for in my mind they are years and ages ahead in the growth of their soul and spirit then many adults that I know), endure conditions of which would normally tear friendships and life bonds apart and use it to their advantage; to learn and to grow and to become closer to one another and as an excuse for love. An old proverb dictates that familiarity breeds contempt, and with the greatest of tact and softest of hearts, I watched as all these boys and girls scoffed mordaciously at that very proverb and begin to beat it shitless within an inch of its life. Never have I been more proud to associate myself with such a phenomenal group of souls. I have learned to pray, and love, and be patient with myself more than I have ever known was possible in the past.
Never have I seen a more outstanding group of youth on the planet. They are so filled with fire and they're ready to do things that I never knew were possible. The spirit is so constantly, overflowingly, overpoweringly abundant, especially in the those beautiful young women! I found a new appreciation in praying every five minutes to have strength to say another prayer in another five minutes, I was not ashamed to talk of Christ, nor was I timid in singing about Christ, we spoke of and emoted what Christ makes us feel and does for us, and then we prayed some more, and then we eat lunch.
I couldn't help but hope and wonder if this is that what a mission felt like, the never ending spirit? Being with such wonderful spirits that you literally have no idea what to do with yourself? I have never been able to look at something or someone in my life and knowingly say, "THIS is an answered prayer, THESE are the people from the blessing I've received, THEY are the souls that my heart and spirit needed so deeply." They made me feel so blessed, and honored and privileged to be even alive in their midst.
They are brilliant.
I wish there were words in the human language to explain the way they act and the way they make me brim with the spirit. Nearly every morning before I went to rehearsal, I went to the Temple, and since the new video came out the Temple's been packed so I would read my scriptures on the front lawn, and to do nothing but worship and love and remember Christ? I think I'm starting to get it now. I think I'm getting why I'm here. The Lord needs his messages shared and there are only some messages which can be shared through music, and emotion, and the stage, and the honesty of a character reaching deep into someones heart and making them feel anew what they've felt before and never known. I think... no I know that's my job, it's why I'm here. Not just to preach of Christ, but to be an example and through my actions SHOW others the way to Christ and His eternal plan of happiness. I haven't been able to stop talking about these kids to everyone I know since day one that I spent with them! It's remarkable, and I don't think I'll ever be able to stop till the day I die. I've forged some wonderful family and been so blessed in being accepted as an older brother to these wonderful, wonderful, beautiful kids. The moment you stop trying to go to sleep is when you actually slip silently into your dreams. The moment you cease expecting things from people and from the world is when you get it all. The moment you no longer give your heart freely is when it is most vulnerable and falls the deepest in love. When I was most vulnerable and least ready to be loved and in love again, each one of their hearts seemed to swoop in from all walks of space and time and simply came to lean on mine, and I am so grateful, and so blessed to have fallen in love with each and every one of them. And all of a sudden, my soul found theirs and said, "Oh, there you are!"
I love this work, and I love these people, I love loving and I'm loving love. There is nothing better to do with our time then to serve and love and selflessly give of others, I'll be honored to be a tenth of a person that any of these boys and girls are, for they have changed and affected my life in ways they will never know.
"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams." - Dr. Seuss
May God or whichever higher power grants you your life forever grant you with so many forever blessings that you have no room to receive them, that you are left with no other option but to pass them on in love and devotion and care. May the spirit of warmth and happiness accompany you in your lowest days and in your greatest victories and for your many long and prosperous days ahead of you. May you someday, fully understand how much I love each and every one of you. Till we meet once more in a most loving and heartfelt embrace, I give thanks. May God be with you, I love you Acting Up, Make me proud!
7:30 am - Eat breakfast (usually a bowl of cereal, subject to change), read paper, catch up on social media, listen to birds, shower and prep for the day, pick out outfit.
8:30 am - Leave home drive to SCERA.
9:00 am - 6:30 pm - Rehearse a large assortment of choreography, blocking, oration, rhythm, phrasing, music, tempo, dynamics, spiritual thoughts, honesty, quotes, acceptance, timing, etiquette, and most importantly... life changing love.
7:00 - 10:00 pm - Shrek rehearsal
10:30 - 12:00 am - Cleaning, get ready for bed, prayer (that the next day might be just as fulfilling as wonderful as the day before it.)
So has been the blessing of being my past week.
This past week I was honored as a group of forty extremely talented, loving, selfless, beautiful high school students welcomed me into their family. I went with the orthodox paradigm that I might teach kids what they need to know in order to be successful at music and theater, and while I achieved enough of those very goals (in my mind), I was most definitely not the teacher. As William Arthur Ward once said, “The mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher explains. The superior teacher demonstrates. The great teacher inspires.” These souls have done just that, inspired me, and they are the greatest teachers I have ever had. Let me expound -
In the course of a week, I watched this group of people (for in my mind they are years and ages ahead in the growth of their soul and spirit then many adults that I know), endure conditions of which would normally tear friendships and life bonds apart and use it to their advantage; to learn and to grow and to become closer to one another and as an excuse for love. An old proverb dictates that familiarity breeds contempt, and with the greatest of tact and softest of hearts, I watched as all these boys and girls scoffed mordaciously at that very proverb and begin to beat it shitless within an inch of its life. Never have I been more proud to associate myself with such a phenomenal group of souls. I have learned to pray, and love, and be patient with myself more than I have ever known was possible in the past.
Never have I seen a more outstanding group of youth on the planet. They are so filled with fire and they're ready to do things that I never knew were possible. The spirit is so constantly, overflowingly, overpoweringly abundant, especially in the those beautiful young women! I found a new appreciation in praying every five minutes to have strength to say another prayer in another five minutes, I was not ashamed to talk of Christ, nor was I timid in singing about Christ, we spoke of and emoted what Christ makes us feel and does for us, and then we prayed some more, and then we eat lunch.
I couldn't help but hope and wonder if this is that what a mission felt like, the never ending spirit? Being with such wonderful spirits that you literally have no idea what to do with yourself? I have never been able to look at something or someone in my life and knowingly say, "THIS is an answered prayer, THESE are the people from the blessing I've received, THEY are the souls that my heart and spirit needed so deeply." They made me feel so blessed, and honored and privileged to be even alive in their midst.
They are brilliant.
I wish there were words in the human language to explain the way they act and the way they make me brim with the spirit. Nearly every morning before I went to rehearsal, I went to the Temple, and since the new video came out the Temple's been packed so I would read my scriptures on the front lawn, and to do nothing but worship and love and remember Christ? I think I'm starting to get it now. I think I'm getting why I'm here. The Lord needs his messages shared and there are only some messages which can be shared through music, and emotion, and the stage, and the honesty of a character reaching deep into someones heart and making them feel anew what they've felt before and never known. I think... no I know that's my job, it's why I'm here. Not just to preach of Christ, but to be an example and through my actions SHOW others the way to Christ and His eternal plan of happiness. I haven't been able to stop talking about these kids to everyone I know since day one that I spent with them! It's remarkable, and I don't think I'll ever be able to stop till the day I die. I've forged some wonderful family and been so blessed in being accepted as an older brother to these wonderful, wonderful, beautiful kids. The moment you stop trying to go to sleep is when you actually slip silently into your dreams. The moment you cease expecting things from people and from the world is when you get it all. The moment you no longer give your heart freely is when it is most vulnerable and falls the deepest in love. When I was most vulnerable and least ready to be loved and in love again, each one of their hearts seemed to swoop in from all walks of space and time and simply came to lean on mine, and I am so grateful, and so blessed to have fallen in love with each and every one of them. And all of a sudden, my soul found theirs and said, "Oh, there you are!"
I love this work, and I love these people, I love loving and I'm loving love. There is nothing better to do with our time then to serve and love and selflessly give of others, I'll be honored to be a tenth of a person that any of these boys and girls are, for they have changed and affected my life in ways they will never know.
"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams." - Dr. Seuss
“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.”- A.A Milne
May God or whichever higher power grants you your life forever grant you with so many forever blessings that you have no room to receive them, that you are left with no other option but to pass them on in love and devotion and care. May the spirit of warmth and happiness accompany you in your lowest days and in your greatest victories and for your many long and prosperous days ahead of you. May you someday, fully understand how much I love each and every one of you. Till we meet once more in a most loving and heartfelt embrace, I give thanks. May God be with you, I love you Acting Up, Make me proud!
Thursday, July 4, 2013
The Poem - The Ocean's Edge
- I
Leave on vacations everyday
You -
'aught to come
One of these days, the ocean's edge won't be enough
The roads and The woods
in all their glory,
won't love anywhere near what we do.
How do you cure what can't be diagnosed,
How do you love what doesn't exist.
The way you listen to what is not said,
And believe in what is not seen.
Magic,
It's something we felt, it's something we make
Fire,
Cleansing, intense - it lingers long on the skin
into the morning.
Walk to the beach,
Watch the sunrise,
And under your umbrella,
let's fall asleep in the sun.
And on the ocean's edge, make love.
The way you listen to what is not said,
And believe in what is not seen.
Magic,
It's something we felt, it's something we make
Fire,
Cleansing, intense - it lingers long on the skin
into the morning.
Walk to the beach,
Watch the sunrise,
And under your umbrella,
let's fall asleep in the sun.
And on the ocean's edge, make love.
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